


Wintermute

by wewillalwaysenduphere



Category: Alex Rider (TV 2020), Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Alex is wearing a chip that controls him ok, All that good Cyberpunk shit, Alternate Universe - Cyberpunk, Amoral Yassen, Body Modification, Corpo!Yassen, Doll!Alex, M/M, Sex Drugs & Murder, Themes of Personhood and Humanity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 18:42:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30127194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wewillalwaysenduphere/pseuds/wewillalwaysenduphere
Summary: The Arasaka Corporation owns half the world, and it owns Yassen, too. Or as Yassen chooses to see it: He is one of the people that own half the world.Alex is a perfect construction of all of Yassen's desires, and most of the time, that makes him real enough.
Relationships: Yassen Gregorovich/Alex Rider
Comments: 18
Kudos: 37





	Wintermute

**Author's Note:**

> This story was heavily inspired by the book Neuromancer (hence the title) and the Cyberpunk 2077 game. I just love the genre!
> 
> Dedicated to Nanimok, who still owes me that Pebble fic!  
> (insert Judge Judy tapping her watch gif)  
> I hope you like it, Nani! :bunheart:
> 
> And all my gratitude to Olya for your insane amount of patience, your willingness to listen, and all the times I dropped a "omg do you have a moment for Cyberpunk" on you and you were right there with me. Thanks for being my muse on this one!

Night City was an amalgamation of neon, dirt and smoke; anything money could buy or technology could produce, too many people in too little space, and the most outrageous, over the top fashion choices humanity had ever come up with. Yassen was drunk and high; he wasn’t sure he’d ever be drunk and high enough to wear see-through plastic shirts with little pink crocodiles on them.

He let his gaze wander, looking for something that would intrigue him, that would thrill him.

Night city was plastered with advertisements, for any sin one could want to commit, body modifications to make life easier or lengthen it, and all kinds of luxury goods.

An ad for a drug caught his gaze, advertising the substance as -

_All natural, won from organically grown plants, delivered to us by nature herself!_

_Refined by the greatest minds of our generation, a high that your body and mind will love and won’t fry your expensive mods like any of the synth shit does!_

_Guaranteed side-effect free for anyone with a liver implant of rank X56.9 or higher._

Yassen did consider it for a moment, but his system was still buzzing from his last hit. Maybe another time.

There was also something about Secure your Soul – nothing but the words in white on a black screen, some esoteric bullshit about living past the time your body gave up on you.

_SECURE YOUR SOUL_

_LIVE PAST HUMAN BOUNDARIES_

_ETERNITY IS WITHIN YOUR GRASP_

_Humanity may not have been intended to live forever, but who can stop us now?_

_Politicians have done it. Celebrities have done it. So can you._

_SECURE YOUR SOUL_

As if Yassen would ever let anyone in Arasaka touch his dead body or let them try to get to his soul. There was one ad that did catch his eye, though.

_Are you tired of going through the motions of dating? Sick of hearing_ _maybe_ _and_ _sometime_ _and never getting anywhere?_

_Well, say goodbye to overpriced dinners that end with you in a cold shower and say hello to real results! Get yourself your own private Doll – they’re beautiful, young, and absolutely obedient. There’s no kink they won’t cater to, no demand they’ll be able to deny!_

_The only thing you’ll hear from our new generation of Dolls is “Yes, sir” and “Of course, master!”_

_Don’t wait around any longer – don’t accept anything less than perfection._

_Arasaka Dolls have what you need and will fulfill every desire._

Yassen could use a bit of relaxation after the day he’d had and money wasn’t an issue. He sighed and dialed the number that shone bright pink neon on a black background.

* * *

Yassen rarely took the time to regret his choices. First of all because regret was useless. Secondly because as long as he was alive to ponder his life choices things where probably okay.

And yet – this business with the European Space Council. Five dead, three wounded. It was unclean work. Arasaka’s secrets may yet be revealed to the public. In case that would happen, Yassen didn’t need to worry about regret, because his body would be floating in the ocean before long. Or rather, scrapped for parts and then incinerated to ash.

“Yassen? Are you alright?”

Beautiful brown eyes were blinking up at him, and Yassen forced himself to tear his gaze away from the distant city lights and focus on the Doll in his bed. He was an expensive one – including a behavioral chip that would make sure he had no memory of Yassen after their session was over.

“Don’t worry, Alex. I’m just thinking about work.”

Yassen had no idea what the young man was called when he wasn’t working, but to him, he looked like an Alex. He liked being in control of the things around him – especially the living ones. And Alex was utterly under his control. That was most of the appeal.

“Then let me distract you,” Alex whispered, licking his full lips and kissing his way down Yassen’s stomach. Yassen looked down at him and buried one hand in those soft, silky locks, before closing his eyes and relaxing into it.

He would be just fine. He’d die before he’d let anyone take his position at Arasaka from him. He’d lived on the streets before, and he’d never give up his money, his house, his lifestyle, and his influence. Even if he’d have to go to Frankfurt himself – he’d kill the three remaining members of the ESC, get back in Rothman’s good graces, and make sure Yu would remember why he was more useful as a person than scrapped for parts.

With a heavy exhale, Yassen opened his eyes and watched Alex swallow around him. Sometimes, he wondered if he could get a behavioral chip like the Dolls had – it must be nice to forget about all the dirty things one did at work as soon as it was over.

* * *

“Let’s kill her.”

Yassen stared at Sam, his gaze an obvious demand to explain himself.

“Rothman. We kill her.”

“How does that solve our problem? The ESC still has three members that are alive, and you want to go after a Director?”

Sam threw his hands up.

“Yassen! She’s been fucking me over for years! She demanded I take care of the problem, and now she’s upset I used violence? Her wording was very clear, she wanted them gone, but she’ll hang me out to dry if this goes wrong. Now, with her out of the way, I may-“

“You may get gutted by the other directors because they won’t let an attack like that stand. Sam, be reasonable. She’s way above your paygrade. You, and whoever you’re going to involve in this, will get fired or killed. Don’t let that happen.”

“Fuck!” Sam shouted while turning around, walking up to his desk and kicking it for good measure. Yassen stayed where he was, calmly taking in the surrounding office. Sam Stewart was ten years older than him. His office was very nice – big windows, comfortable chair, shelves made of real wood. A bar in the corner. Yassen had thought, once, that Sam was good at what he did. That’s why he’d fucked him for a while. But Sam was too soft for the corporate world. Arasaka would eat him whole and spit him out one day, and Yassen didn’t really care about the man so much as the fact his own reputation would probably be besmirched if Sam crashed and burned.

“I was going to ask you to plan the hit on her. You’re good at that kind of thing.”

Yassen shook his head.

“No. I will not. Sam, this is a bad idea. You will not get to her. I’m warning you as a friend – don’t do this.”

Sam looked at Yassen, his eyes hard.

“My decision is final. And you are my subordinate, Yassen. If you disobey me, I could strip you of your rank and position.”

Yassen gave the man a smile.

“I’d rather have you after me than Rothman, Sam. Do what you have to.”

And without waiting to be dismissed, Yassen turned on his heel and left the office. He wondered whether he’d ever see Sam again.

* * *

Yassen spent the night alone in his penthouse, looking out over the city, drinking expensive whiskey. He’d hesitated for a bit before snorting a line of coke. The holograms flickering all around him, and the old-fashioned billboards seemed more vibrant this way. Night City reminded him less of a burned-out husk and seemed more fascinating and colorful. It had been ages since Yassen had walked the street among the lower classes. He’d made his decision when he joined Arasaka and he’d never regretted that, but tonight, if they came for him, he’d rather die high and happy.

He had ordered himself a Schnitzel with mushrooms and potatoes on the side for dinner. If he was going to be assassinated over the Frankfurt incident, he liked the idea to be eating German food while it happened.

But nothing did happen. Yassen spent his night drinking whiskey and then coffee from a perversely expensive machine he’d bought on impulse, swimming laps in his outdoor swimming pool, and working out in his private gym room. He kept snorting coke because his synthetic liver was way too good at detoxing his body. He lay awake in his bed on Egyptian silk sheets and waited for death, but it didn’t come.

When he finally fell asleep, exhausted yet surprised to still be alive, he congratulated himself on having made it another day in Night City.

The next morning, Yassen received a notification on his personal com that Sam Stewart expected him for a debrief. Yassen was curious what had happened, and how Sam had managed to escape the claws of Director Julia Rothman.

After a quick shower, Yassen put on his suit and got into the AV waiting for him. It was nice to see the sun rise over the skyscrapers of Night City, especially since he hadn’t been sure he’d get to see it again.

“Sir, the usual news?”

Yassen nodded. Delamain, the AI running the best transport service in the city, knew exactly what he needed to hear. Arasaka stock prices around the world, any and all major political events, and whether Arasaka had been mentioned negatively in any of the various types of media available. Being in Counterintelligence was as much a military job as it was a corporate one, and Yassen liked it that way. A killer instinct was needed to make it to the top in both branches, but he enjoyed the chance to solve problems a quicker way than negotiations that dragged on for months. In the end, he was a simple creature – born in the gutter, clawed his way out of it, and although no one would deny his place at Arasaka anymore, he wasn’t bred the same way the old families were. Less capable, they thought. Less incestuous, Yassen thought.

When he arrived at Arasaka HQ and made his way to Sam’s office, people were murmuring as he walked by. The secretary was biting her nails and swallowing, clearly nervous. Yassen steeled himself. The halls were as broad as ever, but they felt somehow smaller. The door to Sam’s office opened easily to him, but behind that insanely expensive mahogany desk, in front of the never-ending skyline of Night City was no one else but Special Operations Director Julia Rothman.

She wore a red dress the color of blood, and her smile was that of a shark ready to strike. When the doors closed behind Yassen, he was fairly sure he’d never make it out of this room alive. Yassen had heard Rothman’s red nails weren’t actually nails anymore – that she’d had them replaced with steel by a Ripperdoc, and torn people apart with them before. Before meeting her face to face, Yassen had always believed she’d probably spread that rumor herself.

Now, looking at her sit down and motioning for him to do the same, he thought the rumor was probably true. Her eyes flashed for a moment, no doubt her mods telling her everything there was to know about him. Apart from that, there were no visible mods in her face. She had the usual plugins for datashards just above her ear, but nothing more Yassen could see. That didn’t mean she didn’t have mods – she probably just had a very skilled Ripperdoc to install them.

“Yassen Gregorovich, it’s good to meet you. I’m sure you’re wondering where your friend Sam Stewart is this fine morning?”

Yassen didn’t smile back. He kept his voice carefully even.

“I think I know what happened to him, Director Rothman.”

Rothman nodded. Then she crossed her legs and sat back in the chair that used to be Sam’s.

“I think the same. His body won’t be found, either. Not that there was anyone who’d miss him…but I wish this wouldn’t have been necessary and he would have simply done as I ordered.”

There was no way she gave a single fuck about Sam, but Yassen liked his life. He wasn’t going to get into it with her because of Sam.

“See, Yassen, at first I thought we’d have to do away with you, too. But after hearing your conversation yesterday – I had the office bugged – I realized you’re a lot cleverer than Sam. You seem to understand how this world works. And I do need a new, more competent manager for the North American branch now that Sam is retired.”

Yassen looked at her, calmly calculating his options. The office was very nice. The view was better than from his, and it was a whole lot bigger. The pay raise wouldn’t be bad, either. Plus the additional influence, and a big step up for someone only in his mid-thirties…

But on the other hand, he would be working under Rothman. She had the ugly habit of letting Sam sort out her messes, and once he hadn’t felt like doing that anymore, she had him killed. Yassen knew that eventually he would find himself in the same position, and he knew he was much less patient than Sam when people tried to play him for a fool.

All that didn’t matter, though. He couldn’t refuse Rothman. If he told her no, she would simply have him killed as well and get someone she knew and trusted for the job. The only reason she even considered him, Yassen thought, was that he was excellent at his current job and knew exactly what Sam had been doing. It would take less time and money to get him to take over Sam’s position, especially since he’d had regular meetings with clients as Sam’s assistant anyway.

One day, Yassen thought, he’d have to either make sure Rothman respected him as an equal or be successful in an attempt to kill her. But that was in the future. For now, he merely nodded.

“Thank you, Director Rothman. It would be an honor.”

Her smile was still sharp, but less hungry than before. Satisfied. For now, his obedience was enough for her. Yassen hoped it would keep her sated for some time but had little doubt it would. You didn’t get to be a Director for Arasaka if you didn’t have a never-ending, all-devouring hunger for power, influence and money.

“Good. First of all, take care of this nasty European Space Council business. Sam’s attempt at a solution was misguided, but we have no other choice than seeing it through now. I trust you’ll find a method that cannot be traced back to Arasaka.”

What happened if he failed didn’t have to be mentioned, not while she was sitting in the chair of the man she’d just had killed last night.

“I won’t disappoint you, Director Rothman.”

God, how Yassen hated to bend over for others. But his instinct for survival beat his pride very soundly. Another difference between him and people like Rothman.

She got up from the chair and gave him a nod that Yassen couldn’t help but find incredibly condescending. His fingers twitched a little. She saw it and her sharp smile bloomed into something wider, more real.

“I like men with killer instinct, Yassen. Just make sure you use it correctly, and we’ll get along just fine.”

The clicking of her heals on the floor while she made her way to the door made him want to turn around, but he didn’t. He kept his eyes fixed on the skyline of Night City, slowly exhaling.

* * *

_THE NEW ARASAKA DOLL DELUXE CHIP_

_Doll house owners, complaints about your product are in the past!_

_This new work of genius from the most brilliant minds at Arasaka combines the possibilities of both APTR and MRAM chips!_

_Your clients want to make sure their affair is safe from the screamsheets? Don’t worry, our chips lock a Doll’s memory, ensuring full discretion!_

_You want your Dolls to offer optimal performance even to the most demanding clients? No problem! The behavioral functions of the chip will mute negative emotional responses and enhance agreeableness, submission and devotion in your Dolls! Our selection of personalities are engineered to please even the most discriminating clients!_

_You supply the raw material, we smooth out the rough edges!_

_ARASAKA DOLL DELUXE: ONLY THE BEST FOR NIGHT CITY’S ELITE._

_This version has been rid of bug 2434KA which caused death of .5% users. Discounts for bulk purchase by owners of Doll houses available._

* * *

That night, Yassen called Clouds again. He’d liked the Doll from last time, they should sent him over. It wasn’t like it mattered, really – Yassen could have chosen someone else, and their behavioral chip would have done the rest.

But he liked Alex’s brown eyes, and those full lips, and the golden hair. He was a beautiful young man, and Yassen could use the distraction.

When Alex arrives, after Yassen had showered and put on a new shirt, he pulls him in for a kiss right at the door. Alex comes willingly, although he seems a little surprised.

“Hello, Yassen.”

“Hello, Alex. I’m happy it worked out on such short notice.”

Alex smiles is dazzling.

“I aim to please.”

Yassen huffed a laugh and stepped aside so Alex could enter.

“I ordered dinner for both of us. Since we have all night, I thought it would be nice…”  
Yassen trailed off, not sure whether he’d gone overboard, but Alex seemed satisfied.

“That sounds great. What did you order?”

Yassen launched into an explanation of Russian cuisine, and Alex listened attentively. Alex’s company helped Yassen to calm down. He could have this night, and tackle his problems at work tomorrow. They sat down and had dinner, and then dessert, and the conversation flowed easily and Yassen found himself delaying their more intimate business longer and longer.

When they finally made their way to the bedroom, Alex shrugged out of his blazer, the shirt he was wearing beneath was of whispery soft silk and almost see-through. Yassen’s eyes followed him with interest, but when Alex sat down on the bed he made no move to pull Yassen down towards him or continue undressing.

“Yassen, I feel like there’s something you need to get off your chest before we can continue here.”

Alex’s voice was pleasant and soft, there was no demand in it, his words were an offer. If Yassen wanted, he could talk to him. Alex would forget what he’d learned until the next time he saw Yassen, so there was no risk in talking to him, either.

Yassen sat down next to him and gave a hesitant nod.

“My boss…died last night.”

Alex’s expressive face showed his shock clearly, and he even covered his mouth with one hand.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

He moved closer to Yassen, letting his head rest against Yassen’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

Yassen huffed a laugh – this was the least of it, but he couldn’t speak about all of it, no matter how well the Doll chips might suppress memories. They were made by Arasaka, and who knew if they didn’t have an option to listen in after all. It’s not paranoia if they’re really out to get you.

“Mostly, yeah. I got a promotion today – his job. But it’s not the way I imagined it.”

Alex didn’t say anything, then. He merely wrapped himself around Yassen, pressing soft kisses to his shoulders, acting as a warm, comfortable blanket.

Yassen told himself it was useless, reminded himself that this was something Alex was programmed to do, to fulfill his every desire even if that desire wasn’t sexual in nature. Alex didn’t care about him. Not the person he was when the chip wasn’t on, anyway.

Despite all that, Yassen couldn’t help but take a deep, animalistic satisfaction in Alex’s closeness. The soft animal of his body, untouched by all the expensive, highly-advanced modifications he’d accumulated over the years, sighed in relief to simply be held.

Alex’s body was warm, and soft, and solid around him. Yassen fell asleep like that, in the arms of a Doll that wouldn’t even remember him once his shift was over.

* * *

The three members of the European Space Council left alive unfortunately refused to die by the wounds sustained during Stewarts amateurish assassination attempt.

Once they’d all woken from their coma, Yassen knew it was time to act. He had many options, and many of them would allow him to stay right here in Night City, comfortably seated behind his new desk, while others did the dirty work for him.

If it weren’t for the fact that Julia Rothman had decided to take an interest in Yassen’s life, things could have been so easy. But nothing had ever been easy for Yassen, and that’s why he wasn’t truly surprised when she called him the day General Corto had woken up.

The huge windows behind his desk doubled as monitors, and her projection on them was larger than life. She forced Yassen to look up at her from where he was sitting in his chair, and not for the first time he found himself begrudgingly admiring her talent for not only making others seem small, but herself like an untouchable goddess. The corporations did rule over the world, and Yassen would get his hands dirty to be one of them. Which meant that for now, he would listen and obey.

“Good Morning, Yassen. I am just checking in to hear whether you’ve already found a way to take care of our problem. Don’t be afraid to speak freely, the connection is secure.”

Yassen kept himself from scoffing. The connection may be secure, but it wasn’t like she needed the police if she decided to kill him or get him fired from Arasaka. The latter was probably worse, Yassen decided. If they killed him, at least he wouldn’t have to live with his failure for the rest of his life.

“I was thinking to use the Counterintelligence squad in Paris to-“

“No.” Rothman shook her head, her dark hair in a tight ponytail, revealing the ports over her right ear.

“No use of Arasaka resources. This was an attack on an international organization supported by more than a hundred governments. Our fingers can be nowhere near this. You have a very specific set of skills, Yassen. Use it.”

For a moment, he was quiet. Made sure to get his breathing under control, the mods in his eyes sending him a pulsing alarm signal on the upper right side of his vision because his heart rate had spiked too sharply. Yassen dismissed the warning before focusing back on Rothman.

“You don’t want Arasaka anywhere near this, but you’re about to send an American Arasaka manager who will have to cross national boundaries to kill them personally?”

The smile on Rothman’s face was one of perverse enjoyment.

“You’re almost there. I don’t want Yassen Gregorovich to go. That would be unwise. But you surely remember what we did for you before we gave you this chance? When we wiped out the identity of Cossack, one of the harshest, most efficient mercenaries Night City had ever seen? Yassen Gregorovich exists by our mercy. Wiping away one more Cossack murder will be easy. If you do it well, it may not even be connected to your alter ego. In any case – you have the skills needed to do what’s necessary and a chance to prove yourself to me.”

Cossack was a demon of a past life Yassen had left behind gladly, and he had to bite down on his tongue to keep himself from telling her to stick it where the sun don’t shine.

“With all due respect, Director Rothman, this would require me to use experimental mods I haven’t used in years and besides, if this gets traced back to Stewart and anyone decides to question me or take a look at my memories-“

Rothman waved a hand as if waving away a bothersome fly.

“Yassen, please. These aren’t problems. You’ve done worse with less. Make sure your memories disappear, and the mods have worked so far. You have your orders, don’t fuck it up.”

The screens flickered off, becoming see-through once more, so Yassen had an excellent view over the skyline in front of him. He was grinding his teeth, angry at the world, at himself, at Rothman. Cossack was dead and buried and he should stay that way. Yassen was clawing his way up the ranks of Arasaka with such desperation because he knew what it was like to live in the filth of the lower levels, the hunger and cold a constant companion.

After a few minutes someone knocked on his door and he had half a mind to scream at them just to vent some of his anger. Instead, he pressed the button on his desk which let the doors slide open. It was his secretary, a young man in his early twenties. He was bringing lunch, organic salmon from one of the last available fishing places on earth, with vegetables and potatoes, sweet fruit for dessert.

Yassen’s PA, blinking in his right upper corner of vision, told him his calorie intake for today was too low, optimal performance would require additional sustenance. He wasn’t hungry, but if he wanted his body to operate like an efficient machine, he could hardly deprive it of fuel.

“Set it down on my table.”

As the man set the tray down, he saw, out of the corner of his eye, that the glass scorpion Yassen used as a paperweight moved towards him, stinger at the ready, legs quick and agile. He jumped back in shock, making a high-pitched, terrified sound.

When Yassen looked at him, one eyebrow raised in question, the man stumbled, trying to explain himself.

“Sir, for a moment, it seemed like your paperweight-“

The glass scorpion was sitting on the table. It had not moved. Of course it hadn’t, it was made of glass. There was nothing to it, no circuits that may have hinted at it being more than just a decorative piece.

“It must have been a trick of the light,” the secretary murmured before leaving.

Yassen rubbed his temples, a slight ache spreading through his prefrontal cortex. Carefully, he sat down and consumed his meal, although the expensive contents of it tasted like ash to him.

* * *

There were many things to be organized, old muscles that had lain dormant for years would have to be trained again. Yassen decided to spend the night with Alex because he could use some comfort.

He ordered food for them and showered, got dressed and was already waiting by the time Alex arrived.

“Hello, Alex. I’m glad you were available on such short notice,” Yassen greeted as he opened the door.

Alex gave a small smile.

“I wasn’t. But as one of our VIP clients you take priority.”

For a moment, Yassen was surprised. Maybe at the blunt admission of what it was they were doing, maybe at the unwelcome reminder Alex was seeing others, too. He decided to let it slip, although Alex must have certainly picked up on the way Yassen’s eyes hardened for a moment.

“Are you opposed to drugs, Alex?”

Yassen had gotten out the good stuff, pure coke, and a few pills to take the edge of the comedown. Alex made his way over, a little curious, shaking off his heavy coat to reveal soft, bronze skin.

“No, but I’m afraid I can’t indulge with you. If you would like to, however –“

Yassen sighs, shaking his head. It’s not like he couldn’t understand the very reasonable precaution Alex was taking by declining, but it wasn’t much fun alone.

“No, not really. Not like it does much for me, anyway.”

Alex stepped closer, surprised.

“What do you mean?”

“My liver and kidneys are enhanced, making it very hard for anyone to poison me. However, this also means getting high is a rather tedious process, requiring a large amount of drugs for a rather short high, and I have to keep taking more.”

“Hm,” Alex made, “that is annoying, but it must be great to wake up after a wild night and feel none of the negative effects whatsoever.”

Yassen gave him a bit of a smile.

“It does have its perks, yes.”

Alex reached for his hand, then, pulling him over towards the table where dinner was already waiting.

“Let’s talk about good things, then. You always seem so stressed and you deserve to relax, Yassen.”

Yassen let himself be pulled, and after they had eaten, Alex expressed interest in the pool outside.

“We’ve never tried it before.”

Yassen nodded and decided that yes, they could use the pool. Alex undressed himself quickly, simply entering the water naked. Yassen decided there was no point for him to get swimwear either and joined him. Alex was enjoying the feeling of clear, fresh water while enjoying the view over Night City. The neon was so much more vibrant when the skin was dark.

“You know, the only thing that’s missing are fish,” Alex mused.

“You know,” Yassen said, as if Alex’ smile pulled it out of him, “I can do that for you.”

And suddenly, there were fish in the water. A dolphin was slowly making its way towards Alex, parting the water and Alex stared in wonder. There were dozens of fish in the water, colorful and small, exotic. Alex had never seen anything like it before.

For a moment, Alex just stared, then he looked at Yassen, anger in his tone as he spoke.

“Did you put something in my drink after all? I told you I-“

Yassen shook his head.

“No, Alex, of course not. I have a mod that allows me to show them to you. It’s a simple manipulation of your optical implants. Nothing harmful, not even a real hack.”

Alex was speechless, reaching out to touch the dolphin which was now close enough to touch, but his hand went right through it.

“It’s an optical illusion only. If you had more modifications, I could make it seem like you’re touching it, but-“

Alex shook his head, diving underwater instead to look at the fish there, coming back up with eyes that are slightly reddened from chlorine but sparkling with joy.

“The yellow ones, that are really flat, what are they called?”

“Butterfly fish,” Yassen responded calmly.

Alex was already pointing at another one.

“That one! It was all blue but changed it’s colour when I came closer-“

“A surgeon fish, more specifically, a blue tang. They can change color according to mood and often do so when a predator appears.”

Alex’s big brown eyes looked sad for a moment.

“I didn’t mean to make it feel afraid.”

Yassen laughed.

“It’s just a fish, Alex. Not even that, it’s just the illusion of a fish.”

Alex shook his head, pearls of water flying from his gold blonde hair.

“Yassen, I’ve never seen a fish in my life. Animals – anything that’s not a rat, cat or dog isn’t usual for Night City. These are amazing, they’re so beautiful, and you showed them to me.”

For a moment, Yassen didn’t know what to say. Alex eyes were so bright, his face so happy, and Yassen had no idea what to do about that.

Alex broke the tension when he asked, “Where are they from?”

Yassen could answer that.

“I read a book once, about the fish that inhabited the Great Barrier Reef before rising sea temperatures destroyed it. The pictures made it look amazing. I’m not sure if it was real or if they just made it up but – it looked beautiful.”

Alex swam closer, curious.

“I always wondered how the world was before things changed. And I think one of my teachers once said that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”

Yassen raised an eyebrow.

“You want to call my mods magical?”

Alex blushed a bit but came ever closer. Instead of replying, he wrapped his arms around Yassen and kissed him, legs wrapping around his waist, needy. Yassen responded in kind, grabbing Alex’s hips to pull him even closer, holding him tightly as he carried him out of the pool and up the stairs, into his bed. Their skin was still wet when they tumbled onto the expensive silk sheets, but Yassen couldn’t care less. Alex’s eyes were wide open and beautiful and so incredibly expressive, all he wanted was to hear his name fall from those perfect, lush lips.

He wanted to hear Alex call for him, he wanted to hear him beg for more. He wanted to put Alex on all fours and fuck him until his arms wouldn’t hold him anymore. He wanted to bury his hands in those golden locks and force his cock down Alex’s throat until he gagged.

Alex, aroused and panting under him, gave him a sly wink.

“I love it when you look at me like that. Always tells me it’s gonna be a great night.”

Yassen couldn’t help his grin. Alex was perfect – made for him.

* * *

Over the next few days, Yassen planned the assassination of three high-ranking European officials, while acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary at Arasaka. He had to get used to the new responsibilities that came with the promotion he’d received, and that alone was enough to have him skipping sleep and meals. His personal coach was very unhappy, constantly sending him signals that would pop up in the upper right corner of his field of vision, telling him to consume more vegetables, making sure his caloric intake was enough, and lecturing him on the importance of regular sleep. Yassen needed to have that mod uninstalled, but he simply didn’t have the time to make it to a ripperdoc.

He would have to go anyway, though, to get something installed that would jam his memories from whatever he’d be forced to do to erase Stewart’s mistake. There were a few options to get rid of memories, but they were all rather expensive and bothersome. To keep the structural integrity of the nervous system intact and avoid negative effects on previously installed mods, memory tampering was generally kept to a minimum. One could, on the streets, pay certain ripperdocs to transfer memories to people who carried implants that allowed them to save someone else’s memories in their brain, but Yassen didn’t want the memory saved, he wanted it erased. He couldn’t know what had happened, and he couldn’t trust anyone with what had happened, either. So forgetting it was.

Yassen could hardly have a chip installed, it may upset the careful balance of his own mods – both standard and experimental – and he couldn’t get a chip legally, while those on the black market couldn’t be trusted to be free of viruses. The solution came to him one night, announcing itself by politely pinging his comstation, wearing tight jeans and a see-through piece of fabric that tried its best to pass as a shirt.

Alex.

Alex was fitted with a last generation Doll-chip, and whenever he left Yassen’s apartment, he forgot about what had happened between them until they met up again. A perfect closed circle. A high-quality memory suppressing chip, bought legally and already registered under someone else’s name. It was easy to install and uninstall, and any ripperdoc could handle it. Memories could be stored directly on it and erased from it.

Yassen smiled as he opened the door for Alex, not quite sure how he was going to convince him of this plan, but sure that this was the solution he had been searching for. Yes, whoever Alex really was would probably be harder to convince than the Doll that was programmed to follow Yassen’s every instruction. But Yassen could be very persuasive. One way or the other, he would get what he needed.

Alex returned his smile with enthusiasm, remembering the last time they’d met, and the fish he’d seen.

“Yassen! It’s so good to see you.”

He entered and immediately wrapped Yassen up in a tight hug, giving him a soft kiss while pressing his body close.

“It’s good to see you too, Alex,” Yassen replied, mind already searching for ways to make sure whoever Alex really was would obey him as easily as his Doll personality did.

Besides, maybe the real Alex would even like him, too. As usual, they had dinner together and Yassen used the time to think. When he’d first visited the Doll House Alex belonged to, he’d been given a safe word – Samurai. Once Yassen used that, Alex would revert to his normal state, no longer programmed to please. In that state, the Doll chip could be removed. However, Alex would also have no memories of Yassen. He would probably still be polite upon waking in a client’s house, probably assuming something had gone wrong because why else would the safe word be used? But he’d be a lot less inclined to do what Yassen asked him to.

However, there was no point trying to speak to Alex like this, he was programmed to want to do anything Yassen asked of him, and he wouldn’t be able to give it, anyway. It wasn’t like a concession the Doll made would feel binding to the real Alex. So Yassen would have to use the safe word, and then convince Alex that he wanted to help him with what he was about to do. Even if that was something Alex wouldn’t benefit from, and which might even be harmful to his health and well-being.

Yassen could use money to persuade him. It was reasonable to assume Alex had only agreed to Doll work because he needed the money it brought, but it had meant getting the chip and other mods implanted, which weren’t cheap themselves. He may even still have some leftover debt, which might make him more agreeable to Yassen’s plan. And while Yassen remembered the Doll ads he’d seen – advertising willing Dolls who would never say no, would always please, and mean an end to boring and unsuccessful dating – he wondered what kind of ads Arasaka posted in the poorer parts of town, to reel people like Alex in.

As Yassen looked across the table, to the happily chattering Alex, about to use the safe word he’d been given, he realized for the first time Alex had no safe word. None Yassen had been given in the beginning, none they’d agreed on between themselves. Yassen liked to think that was because things where clear between them, and Alex could merely say no or stop if he needed. Yassen acknowledged it was probably because Dolls weren’t seen as full people and since he paid anyway, no one really cared what happened to Alex as long as he wasn’t damaged.

It wasn’t a comfortable thought, so Yassen decided not to linger on it.

“Samurai,” he said instead, watching how Alex’s eyes shuttered closed, the fork falling out of his right hand as he seized up for a moment. Then he opened his eyes again, looked around for a moment before his eyes settled on Yassen. There was nothing warm or soft in his expression, his eyes were sharp and focused.

“What happened? Why did you use the safe word? We’re not even intimate.”

Yassen took a deep breath.

“Because I have to ask you – the real you – something.”

Alex didn’t seem satisfied with that reply, but after looking around and reassuring himself everything was fine, thatche was not in any danger, and Yassen didn’t seem to want to harm him in any way, he settled down.

“Alright.”

“What’s your name?”

Alex raised an eyebrow.

“You ripped me out of the simulation for that question?”

Yassen shook his head. He couldn’t help himself – he was curious to find out who Alex was.

“No. But I’d like to be able to call you by your name.”

Alex rolled his eyes.

“You don’t. If you were, you wouldn’t have decided to pick a name for me. A name, which I cannot remember like this by the way.”

Yassen knew that. It was comforting to know that Alex truly had no way of spreading the secrets Yassen had told him so far. But given he wanted his help now, he realized he would have to give Alex those information all over again, and probably more.

“Humor me.”

Alex sighed. “I’m Jay.”

Yassen wondered for a split-second if it was a lie. It may be. But even then, it was a name Alex had chosen to be his own, which was better than a name Yassen had chosen.

“Thank you. Jay, I’ll have to ask you for something, and I am willing to pay you a significant amount of money for it.”

“If you just wanna fuck me while I’m like this I’m gonna stab you with this knife.”

Alex’s tone was so dry, for a moment Yassen didn’t know if he was joking or not. Alex would never dare talk to a client like this. This was all Jay.

“No…I’d hire a JoyToy for that. What I want is your Doll chip.”

Alex still stared at him, then he raised his hands to gesticulate, pointing at the flat around them, the food on the table, the pool outside, visible through the glass wall.

“You can buy one. It’s not even expensive for someone like you.”

Yassen realized he’d have to start over.

“How about you finish your meal. It’s hummer, and the vegetables are real, not synth. I’ll explain what I mean in the meantime.”

Alex still seemed skeptical.

“You’re not about to complain about me to my boss?”

Yassen shook his head.

“No. No matter what your answer is.”

Alex thought about it, and Yassen could see the moment he realized he had nothing to lose.

“Fine,” Alex said, picking up his fork once more. He pierced a piece of carrot on it and his facial journey was amusing – Alex must have never tasted it like this before. He didn’t try to hide it from Yassen like he had when he was working.

“Damn, that tastes amazing.”

Yassen gave him a smile and started explaining.

After Yassen had finished and Alex had cleared his plate a second time, Alex carefully put his cutlery down and gave Yassen a considering look.

“So let me summarize – you want to do something for your company that they cannot support you in, therefore I deduce it’s probably highly illegal. To destroy any chance of it being traced back to you or you being found guilty of it, you want to make sure you have no memories of it.”

Yassen nodded. Alex didn’t look convinced.

“You really think they’d waste the kind of resources on questioning you that they’d go that deep into your mind?”

“I know so. I don’t want to get you too involved in this-“

Alex interrupted him with harsh laughter.

“You want to use my Doll chip to pull off something even Arasaka doesn’t want to be associated with, so don’t pull that shit about trying to keep me safe or whatever.”

Yassen had expected Alex to be critical of the idea, to be a different person when he wasn’t being controlled by the persona created by the Doll chip. But Yassen had not expected him to be quite so…spirited. He sure had a lot to say and wasn’t afraid to say it. No shy darling, sitting at his table, impressed by how obviously rich and powerful he was. Yassen could respect Alex – respect Jay – for that, but it wasn’t quite what he wanted.

“Alright. I won’t tell you the whole truth but I won’t lie, either,” Yassen offered.

Alex nodded. “Alright. Now, if I were to agree. What’s in it for me?”

“What do you want?”

Yassen’s answer seemed to stun Alex for a moment, it was a genuine question. If Alex helped him with this, Yassen wouldn’t be against making sure he got something out of it, too. And he did have the money, connections, and power to make quite a few things possible.

Alex thought about it for a while. Considered the offer made, Yassen in front of him, the penthouse they were sitting in.

“Money, obviously. But I’d also like a few people to disappear.”

Yassen nodded when money was mentioned and raised his eyebrows when Alex mentioned the murders.

“Who?”

“Low-level, no one you would know. Some people who did me wrong.”

“No corpo-affiliation?”

“Not with Arasaka.”

“Any corporation?”

Alex thought about it for a moment.

“I can’t be sure. Maybe Militech?”

Yassen shrugged slightly.

“I’d be fine with that.”

Alex grinned.

“Good to know. I’d like to think about it for a bit. We could meet up again and talk? Book an appointment, but I’ll show up as myself.”

The fact Yassen would have to pay for the chance to keep his negotiation with Alex going made him grin. He was fairly sure Alex wouldn’t tell anyone about the offer he had received, and even if he did, it was vague enough to be meaningless to most people. Corpos were using everyone for their dirty games, it wasn’t a secret. So why wouldn’t Yassen use Alex? In any case, Alex would risk a lot more by going to the police than he stood to gain, so Yassen wasn’t afraid to let him go.

“Let’s say the day after tomorrow at the latest,” Yassen suggested.

Alex nodded.

“Fine. I’ll have an answer until then.”

* * *

When Alex walked back into Yassen’s penthouse, his mouth was set in a determined line, his eyes sharp and serious. He looked nothing like the Doll Yassen had gotten so used to, on the contrary: This was Jay, and as much as Yassen liked to think of him as Alex because it was the name that Yassen had given him, the name Alex had had for all their encounters and time together, it was clear that that person Yassen had been seeing had been more affected by the behavioral chip than he first thought.

Yassen made a mental note to tell the ripperdoc to deactivate the behavioral component of the chip before implanting it into him. It wouldn’t do to turn into a docile Doll when he had dirty deeds on his hands.

Alex greeted him politely but distantly, his outfit a lot less revealing than usual. His jeans weren’t tight, and his black sweater was a bit baggy and covering his torso and arms completely. On the front of the sweater was a logo of the band Samurai, and Yassen raised his eyebrows in question.

“Did you choose your safe word based on them?”

Alex gave a curt nod.

“Yes. Good evening, Yassen.”

Yassen felt a bit chastised.

“Good evening, Alex. I’ve had food delivered.”

It was the usual thing to do, but Alex looked surprised. Of course he did, he had no memory of their previous encounters.

“Something good?”

His face seemed a little more open, and Yassen had to smile. It was cute, how easily Alex was swayed by good food – no, how easily Jay was swayed by good food. Alex had never cared much for it.

“Of course. Why would someone as filthy rich as me order something bad?”

Yassen’s remark was a callback to Alex’s from the last time they met, and Alex recognized it and grinned.

“Alright. That does make sense. Then let’s eat while we talk.”

They had venison. It was tender and practically melted in Alex’s mouth when he used his tongue to press it to the roof of his mouth. It was delicious. The potatoes came with herb butter and the vegetables were fresh and vibrant in taste and color.

After they had finished their dessert and were standing outside, overlooking Yassen’s private pool and seemingly all of Night City from dizzying heights, they started talking business.

“I will agree to your offer. But I want three million Eddies, and these people need to disappear.”

Alex held up an old shard, presumingly containing information about the people he had just casually condemned to death. Yassen reached for it and plugged it in, the world outside disappearing under a layer of text and pictures.

Three men, all middle-aged. They didn’t belong to any kind of Dollhouse, which surprised Yassen. He had thought that maybe Alex wanted someone gone who had exploited him, but that had obviously been wrong. The three men belonged to a drug operation and were relatively low-level. When Yassen cross-referenced them with all the data banks he had access to, nothing popped up. They weren’t important. Their relationship with Militech was, if present, so low-level Yassen didn’t need to be concerned. He unplugged the shard.

“Alright.”

Alex was surprised for a moment.

“You’re not going to negotiate?”

Yassen shrugged.

“No.”

Alex’s facial expressions were surprisingly easy to read, shock faded into consideration, then frustration, before he schooled his face into a blank expression.

“I should have started with a higher sum,” he muttered, while Yassen chuckled.

“I wouldn’t have gone much higher. Besides, this is a good deal. You’re getting three dead bodies for free.”

Alex flinched a little but nodded. Yassen was curious about the men he was about to have killed – because he wouldn’t dirty his hands with these low-lives, those times were long over – but it was none of his business.

“Okay,” Alex said. “Then – what comes next?”

“First, I’ll have to clear some other things up. Make sure no one suspects anything, make sure my ripperdoc has time for the procedures – getting the chip out of your brain, into mine and back, train some muscles I haven’t flexed in a while. I think it’ll be about two weeks before we can start this. Make sure you have time off, since you won’t be able to work.”

“I want half my pay in advance,” was Alex’s only reply.

Yassen gave him another smile. He liked him, he really did. If only he could stop thinking of him as Alex.

“Fair enough,” he agreed.

Alex leaned over the railing, peering down into the pool below them.

“Have we ever swum in it?”

Yassen nodded.

“We’ve done lots of things,” he added.

Alex looked contemplative.

“Sometimes I wish I could remember.”

Yassen was pleased to hear that – and a bit surprised, too. He thought that having the memories gone was what made Doll work so appealing – you switched off, switched back on, and your day’s work was done.

“What name did you give me?”

Yassen should have known Alex was aware the customers got to name Dolls. It still felt like a very weird question.

“Alex.”

Alex nodded.

“It’s a good name. Strong. Alexander,” he tasted it in his mouth, as if he was tasting himself.

Yassen found himself staring, and Alex gave him a smile.

“Let’s go swimming, Yassen.” He took Yassen’s arm and pulled him along, and Yassen let himself be pulled.

They swam, and then they made love. Jay was different from Alex, he pushed Yassen onto his back and opened himself up, sliding down onto him before he was stretched enough. The hiss he let out was half pain and half pleasure, and Yassen was surprised Alex liked it like that.

“When I’m in control – not ruled by the chip – I’m more adventurous,” Alex admitted. “It’s safer.”

Yassen supposed it was. His hands were leaving bruises on Alex’s hips, and Alex begged him to hold him tighter still. This was different in many ways, but the most distinct was that Alex was chasing his own pleasure, was using Yassen for once.

Yassen had to lay there, and give Alex what he wanted, and he allowed it to happen. He tried not to think about it, how mesmerizing Alex was, his eyes so expressive and hazy with pleasure, but…different than he was with the chip. Somehow, different in every way.

Afterwards they were laying on the bed, naked, staring at the ceiling, where Yassen made little fish swim around for Alex’s viewing pleasure, adding in a sea turtle which had Alex reaching out his hands in delight as if he could touch it if he only tried hard enough.

When Yassen felt a shooting pain in his temples, he let the fish disappear. Alex made a sad noise next to him, but didn’t miss Yassen’s hand moving to massage his temples. Carefully, Alex sat down on Yassen’s stomach and reached out to massage his temples instead. Yassen let him do it.

“It hurts you to do this.”

Yassen gave a non-committal hum.

“I’m not stupid, Yassen. I know these mods are highly experimental. They are known to cause cyberpsychosis more than any other mods, it’s why they’ve been pulled from the market years ago.”

Yassen was visibly surprised Alex knew these things. He must have looked it since Alex explained a bit more.

“I did my research before I let them implant that Doll chip, you know. _This version has been rid of bug 2434KA which caused death of .5% users_ _. And all that jazz_ _._ _”_

_It made a lot of sense Alex would have informed himself about what he was doing to his own body. Yassen didn’t really know why he hadn’t considered that from the start. Alex didn’t leave him any time to ponder it, though-_

_“Why would a rich corpo dude like you let anyone put experimental mods into his precious head?”_

_Yassen thought that Alex did deserve an answer to that question._ He was asking him for his help in a very delicate, very illegal operation after all.

“I wasn’t always a rich corpo dude. And the issue with these mods is that they require a high measure of neuroplasticity to be accepted by the host that most people do not possess.”

“But you did?”

“Children and teenagers do,” Yassen corrected gently. Alex’s hands on his temples stopped their soothing motion. He was visibly shocked, his face as expressive as always.

“They implanted those when you were-“

“When I was fourteen. That’s why I survived. They’re not an option for adults. If you grow up with them, and your brain can mature around them, things are good. Otherwise…”

Yassen trailed off, the implications clear.

Alex shook his head, raked one hand through his blonde curls.

“God, Yassen. I’m so sorry.”

The words irritated Yassen. He wasn’t in need of pity. He didn’t want it, either. It made him lash out.

“And I’m sorry you have to do this kind of work.”

Alex looked at him, surprise and shock in his eyes, before bitterness flashed in them for just a second. In the end, only annoyance and anger was left.

“Oh, please. Not that topic.”

Yassen hadn’t expected this. Wasn’t sure what he’d expected – Alex to be hurt, or ashamed maybe, but not this exasperation, as if Alex had heard it before. And not just once. He probably had. There was disdain in his eyes, and Yassen found himself scrambling for something to say that would make it better somehow. He told himself it was only because he needed Alex’s Dollchip, but he knew it wasn’t about that. So he forced the words from his tongue, even as they stung like acid.

“What I meant was – we all have to make choices. Others may pity us for them, but sometimes when you’re between a rock and a hard place it’s better to make a choice than…lay there and wait for death.”

Alex’s eyes became a bit softer again.

“Then why can’t you just say that? A simply ‘Don’t pity me’ would have done the trick.”

Yassen shrugged. He wasn’t so sure.

“So – how did you come across this profession?”

Alex gave a shrug of his own.

“I needed some money. The ads made it sound so easy. The chip does the work, all you need is the mods, and you can get those on credit. With the kind of money you make you can pay that back fairly easy, and make enough to live on top of that. It was a practical decision.”

Yassen could respect and understand practicality. Before he could roll away from Alex, the younger man grabbed his arm.

“Your turn. How did you get those mods?”

It wasn’t an unreasonable question to ask. Yassen supposed he owed Alex, anyway.

“I was a street kid. Someone picked me up and made me work for them, had someone install mods to see if they were safe. This one – it was experimental, one of the earliest versions. It can’t be taken out.”

Alex pulled his arm again, prompting Yassen to roll into him. Yassen still wasn’t comfortable with it. This was so much easier when Alex was paid and his chip was working, when his brown eyes were wide and sweet and naïve, when there wasn’t the understanding of the horrors Yassen had lived through in them. When it wasn’t so clear Alex knew just as well as him what it meant to go through hell, to have your body made someone else’s property.

The only difference was, Yassen had been one of the people doing it to Alex. Unable to stand the closeness any longer, Yassen yanked his arm out of Alex’s grip and shook his head.

“I need a shower.”

He slipped from the bed and didn’t look back. By the time he came out of the shower, Alex had left. He had sent Yassen a message, though.

_I’m still in if you’re still in._

Yassen didn’t reply until he’d figured everything out with the ripperdoc, and then he texted Alex the address. It was a business arrangement, had always been one, and it would stay one. Except that after this, they were done. Yassen couldn’t have Alex’s company again, not without knowing Jay existed.

* * *

Dr. 3 was widely accepted to be one of the best ripperdocs in Night City. His clinic didn’t discriminate – he was working on criminals just as likely as he was on politicians and corporate executives. Yassen had wanted to make sure his brain would be fine after this, and he needed someone who knew about his special mods and could accommodate them.

The good doctor may be expensive, but the money was an afterthought.

Alex was waiting for him when he arrived, again in surprisingly baggy, practical clothing. His jacket hung down to his knees, and the sunglasses he was wearing had to be three sizes too big.

“Hi.”

Alex’s greeting was short, but not cold. Yassen got the feeling Alex didn’t know how to treat him after what had happened, or maybe he was just projecting. In any case, he gave a curt nod back before moving on to business.

“You’ve made sure no one will be surprised you’re not working? You’ve received half the payment?”

Alex nodded.

“Yes, I’ve got it handled. Your money arrived and word on the street is the three guys are dead, too. So I’m good to go.”

“Then let’s go.”

Alex hesitated. Yassen’s voice was sharp as he asked, “What else?”

“If you’re worried about your mods-“

“I’m not,” Yassen interrupted harshly. “Now move.”

He had a plane to catch, politicians to murder, and an Arasaka Director to pacify. If his brain ended up scrambled eggs, that was still a better option than failure. Maybe insanity was better than death.

The clinic was surprisingly clean for a ripperdoc, and Alex, who had never been here before, was obviously surprised.

Dr. 3, an elderly Chinese man, greeted them with a smile.

“Cossack, it is always a pleasure.”

Alex looked surprised for a moment. He didn’t know the name, but Yassen reacted with a simple nod.

“Thank you for taking the time, doctor. The plan is as we discussed – once I’m back here, we can call Alex and get the procedure reversed.”

They got strapped in, and then Yassen only felt a slight bit of nausea before the anesthesia knocked him out.

When he came to, it was to both Dr. 3 and Alex staring at him. Alex even seemed a bit worried.

“What?”, Yassen slurred, still affected by the anesthesia, “Didn’t it work?”

Alex shook his head, obviously relieved.

“It worked just fine. You were gone for seven full days. The doctor wiped your memories from the chip, implanted it back into me, and you just took a long while to wake up.”

Dr. 3 gave him a considering look.

“Something seems to have changed about your experimental mods. I recommend you leave them unused for a while.”

Yassen nodded, still a bit tired, but satisfied it had worked. He looked at Alex and gave him a slight smile, which was easily returned. Now all he needed to do was hope no one had connected any of what he’d done back to Arasaka.

* * *

When Yassen arrived at work the next morning, no one reacted in an unusual way. No one stared at him as if he’d been on the news murdering European politicians, which was a relief. The fact he didn’t remember anything, wouldn’t even be able to tell Rothman exactly what had happened made him feel almost nauseous. He wasn’t actually nauseous, his personal coach AI made sure he took care of himself and there were still the modded organs, but he decidedly felt like something was off. As if his brain was trying to access memories that didn’t existed, like scratching dead skin, or the phantom pain of a missing limb. Yassen had been through worse, but that didn’t make it any less unpleasant.

Late last night he’d watched the news, the ESC members who had survived the initial attack and woken up from the coma caused by it had been killed. It had been all over the news. There had been no way to make it look like an accident, not after the previous attack on them. But even so the police were stumped there was no lead. It had been a long time since Yassin had killed someone for his job but apparently, he still had what it took. Like riding a bike, he supposed.

Rothman had her assistant send an email to him demanding he make room for her this morning first thing. Yassen wasn't surprised, it was pretty much exactly what he had expected. Rothman would have had her ear on the ground, she would probably have heard more than Yassen had. If there was somebody who had a lead, who had recognized him or had traced all of this back to Arasaka then she would know. In that case Yassen was a dead man.

But there was a chance everything had gone well. Yassen trusted his own abilities, he knew what he was capable of. Besides, if she wanted him dead, there was no point in running. She would get to him sooner or later, and given the resources Arasaka commanded, sooner was the more likely option.

This time, Yassen didn’t sit down in his comfortable chair but stood in front of the desk as the glass turned into a screen, revealing Rothman on the other end. She was wearing a suit today, dark blue and pinstriped. Her smile was as sharkish as usual, and her nails seemed sharper than the last time he’d seen her.

“Yassen, what a pleasure.”

It was condescending, and Yassen hated himself for being relieved. If he’d failed, her games would be crueler than this.

“The pleasure is mine, Director Rothman.”

There was something like genuine amusement in her dark eyes, and Yassen wasn’t sure if he liked the implications of that. If she stopped seeing him as another chess piece and started seeing him as an actor in his own right, it said more about him than about her. About the kind of person he’d become to be part of the upper Echelons of a corporation like Arasaka. But she didn’t let him linger on those thoughts.

“About that bothersome business in Europe, I’ve heard no chatter, none, about who may have perpetrated that grisly attack.”

Yassen gave a slight nod.

“Neither have I.”

She raised on eyebrow in question.

“Surely there is nothing anyone could trace back to you?”

 _You, not us._ Yassen wasn’t surprised by that.

“No. Not so much as the memory of a flight.”

Rothman gave a satisfied nod.

“Well done, Yassen. See, this is what I expect from my managers. Not that half-hearted attempt Sam made. Keep this up, and we won’t have any problems.”

Yassen wasn’t sure about that, but he was far too clever to challenge her on her home turf. Her goodwill had been expensively bought and he wasn’t about to squander it.

“Yes, Director Rothman.”

“Goodbye, Yassen. Do have a look at the files I left for you, there are some negotiations coming up I need someone with a killer instinct for.”

Her image flickered out, and the glass became transparent once more, revealing the skyline of Night City.

Yassen took a deep breath and made his way around his table, quietly sitting down and pulling up the files she mentioned. It was a demanding task, and one that he looked forward to. Whatever else he may be feeling about what he’d done and the lengths he’d gone to do it, it had achieved what he’d hoped to. He’d climbed another rung on the ladder to Arasaka’s centre of power.

* * *

Later, months later, Alex sent Yassen a text to meet up for a coffee. It was deceptively simple, and Yassen thought it may have something to do with their plan having gone wrong, or something being up with the chip. It was a good excuse to show up after he promised himself he wouldn’t. He’d avoided contacting Alex. He hadn’t touched another Doll since Alex. He highly doubted he ever would.

When Yassen arrived, Alex was already there. He’d bought his own coffee, drawn a clear line. Yassen got himself something and made his way to where Alex was sitting in a booth, the glass smeared with fingerprints and the old fake leather dirty and torn.

“I was surprised you never called me up again.”

Yassen didn’t have the words. He’d never been good with words. But Alex deserved the truth at least, even if it was rough.

“After – it just wouldn’t have been the same. Knowing that Alex isn’t real. Which I knew before but – I liked the lie. As long as I didn’t know Jay, it was real enough.”

Alex nodded slightly, taking a sip from his cup. He burned his tongue and cursed a little.

“I quit the job, you know. I asked a ripperdoc to let me access the memories of the time we spent together and…a few other clients. Not all of them. I’m happy I won’t ever know most of the stuff that happened. But with you…I liked being Alex. Being Jay meant hardship, loneliness, debt, fear. Being Alex meant comfort, and company, wealth and…you.”

For a shining moment in time, Yassen had hope.

“So you’re saying –“

“I looked up your name. Cossack. I know who that was – who you were.”

Yassen gave a nod. The shining moment had broken like glass on concrete. There was no way Alex could have liked what he’d found.

“You can’t possibly want to see someone like that.”

“No, I don’t. But the question is – do you want to see Alex or Jay? Because as much as I like what you had to offer, I’m a millionaire now. I don’t need your money. And I’ve got a big mouth and a sick sense of humor and I’m not all that sweet when it comes down to it.”

Yassen thought about it for a bit. He wanted Alex, still. The sweetness and the comfort and the way they were two steps removed from reality. The fact Alex wouldn’t be able to tell anyone about their encounters because his memory was locked still soothed him, even knowing how wrong it was. His silence must have gone on for too long because Alex interrupted his thoughts.

“I see.”

It wasn’t angry. It wasn’t even judgmental. When Yassen opened his mouth to argue, to tell him that no, they could figure this out, he liked Jay too, maybe with time things would change, Alex held up a hand to stop him.

“They make those Doll personalities well. Catering to everything you want. A bit too well, I suppose.”

He finished his coffee, crunching the cup up in his hands.

“Goodbye, Yassen. I’m not gonna ask you to lose my number, but until you can deal with who I am, I don’t think this is going to work.”

Alex’s voice had something final to it that made Yassen almost flinch. A harshness in his eyes, a world-weariness that had never been part of Alex. This was all Jay. And Yassen needed to stop lying to himself about who he was talking to.

“Goodbye, Jay.”

The younger man nodded, and Yassen watched him leave the old café.

“Jay,” Yassen murmured, tasting the name on his tongue. It felt a bit like burying a friend. It was the necessary acknowledgement that Alex had never been real. A carefully constructed personality, to cater to his every need. When he left and made his way to the nearest location his AV could land, he passed by a poster advertising the glamorous career of a Doll – how easy the money came, and how the chip could be paid off in rates, and how one could sleep through work and never remember any of it. Yassen had never seen that version of it before. As he climbed into his vehicle, piloted by an AI, which would bring him right back into the nicer parts of town, to his penthouse, he came by the floating, holographic ads he was used to.

 _Are you tired of going through the motions of dating? Sick of hearing_ _maybe_ _and_ _sometime_ _and never getting anywhere?_

_Well, say goodbye to overpriced dinners that end with you in a cold shower and say hello to real results! Get yourself your own private Doll – they’re beautiful, young, and absolutely obedient. There’s no kink they won’t cater to, no demand they’ll be able to deny!_

_The only thing you’ll hear from our new generation of Dolls is “Yes, sir” and “Of course, master!”_

_Don’t wait around any longer – don’t accept anything less than perfection._

_Arasaka Dolls have what you need and will fulfill every desire._

It was diametrically opposed to the one before. It was geared towards people who were fine buying other people. And not just their body. Their memories, their mind. Yassen had never cared much before.

Maybe, Yassen thought, Alex – Jay – was better off without him, anyway.


End file.
